The Waiting Game

Well, we are 11 days until the predicted date of Mr. Jarred Christopher's debut. Everyone has told me throughout this entire pregnancy that he will come early. So at this point it's been difficult to keep my chin up as I feel like I've already passed my due date. There has been many "Is this it??" moments as Daniel and I count contractions, getting more and more excited as they lengthen and get closer together, only to sink back into disappointment when they stop.

Last Friday was the closest we had come to feeling like we'd be going to the hospital. My lower back started to really cramp up and hurt. I ask Daniel if he could spend some time rubbing it. It helped some but then the cramps moved to the front of my abdomen and turned into full blown contractions starting at 35 seconds 15 minutes apart! They stayed that way for about an hour or so then gradually got longer (lasting as long as 58 seconds) and fewer in-between (becoming 8 minutes apart) which lasted another hour or so. Then I had one that was 15 minutes later… then 30 minutes later… then none.

It was very disappointing for me, but Daniel was really really bummed. He wants to meet his son so bad. He’ll come up to me and rub my round belly and whine that he wants Jarred to be here. Very heart melting.

Jarred has been less active lately. Not that he’s not moving, but instead of hearty kicks and punches, I get more of a nudging and resituating from him. The boy doesn’t have much room, and I can’t see my skin stretching anymore to help him out. My poor belly has turned into a road map with stretch marks making their way past my belly button. I have put lotion on lotion on lotion to try and keep my skin moist, but it will not stretch anymore without leaving these marks expressing just how hard it’s working.

I had my weekly prenatal visit yesterday morning for week 39. (Which if you get there 30 minutes before your appointment starts you can in and out in 20 minutes) I went in feeling like I needed to expect my progress to have gone backwards in time since I had been 1cm dilated/ 50% efface for the last 2 weeks. My blood pressure, urine, weight checked out perfect, as did Jarred’s heartbeat. So in the middle of my appointment at least I knew that we were both healthy and that whatever “progress” my body had made towards labor, we at least had that. Doctor then checked to see if I was dilated/effaced anymore since the week before: 1.5-2cm dilated and 70% effaced! At least SOMETHING happened! The effacement is a really good thing since that’s what helps along the dilating. Doctor told me that according to the time table, my cervix was “ahead of schedule.” So he said it could be “tomorrow, or 2 weeks.” There is no way to tell really.

That’s the hardest part of this whole process. I am a control freak. I love time lines and knowing what to expect and when things are going to happen. But regardless that I lost my mucus plug, labor could be hours away or weeks away. There is absolutely no way to know.

Every time anything happens that makes me go, “hmmm that’s interesting.” I do the only human thing that comes natural: I Google it! On Google there are SO many stories of women who are going through the “same” thing. But every story is different. For example: I had “bloody show” last night. Freaked me out big time! Well, what do you expect when you haven’t had blood down there for 8 months and then all of a sudden you do? Yeah, it’ll make you catch your breath. So I jump on Google to see if this is one of those “labor is close at hand” symptoms. One lady blogged the same situation to get feedback from other ‘experienced’ mothers. One response was “Go to the hospital NOW! Labor is emanate!” another said, “oh yeah, that happened to me, but I didn’t go into labor for two weeks after.” They were back and forth, everyone expressing their experience. And that’s what it was. Everyone is so different. And it’s their story. I had to keep telling myself that I will be creating my own story when it’s time. Not sure if I’ll blog it to give advice, but God is helping write this pregnancy story. And it will be perfect in its time, just like Jarred’s life verse: Ecclesiastes 3:11, “Everything is beautiful in God’s timing.”

So, in writing my own story: today has been different. I started the day like usual. Getting up and waddled my large self to the bathroom for the 5th time that night. I had “bloody show” last night, so throughout the night I was interested to see if I might have anymore. Nothing again until this last round. I had more of this lovely “bloody show.” Along with this I felt this tight cramping (not contractions) in my lower abdomen. It felt like those cramps you get the day before or the day of your period starting. I decided to stay awake and start getting ready for work and see if they went away.

Nope. And throughout the day they’ve gotten stronger. They aren’t contractions, and I would feel funny timing them. But they are definitely there.

Daniel and I went to lunch at the “Club” (Sam’s club), and as we were leaving my lower back started to hurt, along with the growing-stronger-cramps. I really hate to get my hopes up, but one can’t help but think… “Okay, could this be the day??”

Daniel is getting really anxious. He has a meeting in Conway (3o minutes away) at 2:30pm. And I think he wants me to tell him to cancel it. But I know if I do that it will be in vain, and that nothing will happen. I would rather him go to his meeting and have to rush back then reschedule and it be a ‘normal’ afternoon.

We have a “Movie Night” tonight with a bunch of friends, and I can’t help but wonder if my water will break in the middle of the movie with all my friends there. Not sure if I’ll be embarrassed or if it will be just a great part of the story to tell later. Probably both.

We’ll see what happens, probably nothing. Only God knows.